So, last night I ended up going through some old conversations I’ve had with my best friend, and some of it really hit me.
Some of it has really made me wanna change small parts of who I am (Though some of that has already happened over the course of time anyway) and make some changes in my life, hopefully for the better.
I thought I’d start it off by reconnecting myself with some of those whom I may have lost touch with over due time or making amends for some of the wrongdoings I have caused to a few of the people I love.
Another thing I’ve thought about is opening myself up a bit more, after what I read through, and a long hard think, I came to realize that I don’t always open up to those that care for me or whom I care for, and as a result, it sometimes tends to alienate me or make me…mysterious? I can’t quite think of a word to fit what I mean right now, but basically those close to me don’t always know much about me, whereas some of them I could write a book about. I think part of me closed up because I didn’t quite think people would understand me, I suppose I still feel this way, and countless people have proved that time and time again, with very few actually proving my theory wrong (Some actually have managed in the past though, but unfortunately…times change, people move on and disappear), but I feel that maybe trying once again top open up to some people, especially those close to me might actually have some hint of success? If that’s how you’d put it.
After that, I really don’t know what I’d do next.
There was once a time where if I liked a girl, they’d have some kind of…hold? on me. Like, obviously that’s down to me, not them, but like I’d talk about them non-stop to people (Yeah, that’s normal, but they would be all I’d talk about), I’d want to be with them constantly, and if we were ‘involved’ and they did something wrong, I’d keep giving them chances. I know I’m nothing perfect, and as mentioned earlier, I’ve done my fair share of wrongdoings, some of which are completely unforgivable (Though some might argue against that) and I have been in regret for years about some of those mistakes I have made but some of them don’t even come close in comparison to some of the things I have, for some unknown reason, put up with.
That right there is something I’d like to change. Not rolling over and just accepting any crap that I’m given just because I have a thing for said person and actually making a stand for myself for once.
Well, I guess that’s all for now, so to anyone who’s actually reading this, thanks for taking your time to do so.
So, until the next time!